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Not a fan of this pairing at all, but hey-o, that wasn't about to let me pass up on a good story this is written so mindfully and skillfully (it's intelligent without abusing vocabulary like some do *aherm*me*coughcough* ; ).

The moral from the start never faltered in the end, 'tis so damn strong and heartwarming and ENLIGHTENING to read this, dood.

Your descriptions have this familiarity that's easy to follow methinks for both virgins and non about said sensations between Ness and Paula during their loving act. This also made it easily imaginable since they were pretty concise/to-the-point. In addition, there's a lotta connotations of tenderness and admiration put into the descriptions at the same time, which is why the whole way through the story sounds buttery (sweet) and compliments the imagination to make it so, 'cause this is Ness's POV after all. We have the potential to feel his feelings and they're as toasty (warm) as he is!

Rad job on this, dood, I'm happy for you that you're finally getting on with what you've been meaning to do since 'le beginning! You should really just not pay any mind to 'ze populace who demeans or misinterprets you even after a proper explanation on your part if you ever do bother to.

'nyways, I don't comment/feedback much n' hope this'll suffice, ueedhuheduqwdeh. I'm probably looking through a lens of sunshine and rainbows, but I honestly can't spot clear-cut mistakes anywhere throughout, fppf.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
10 out of 10 deviants thought this was fair.


PK-Ness Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013   Writer
Oh wow, thank you for the great critique! I'm kinda a little speechless and don't exactly know how to respond to all of your positive feedback, so just thank you! I'm really glad you thought it was that good!
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